Why Acknowledging Your Jealousy is the Key to Overcoming it

Let’s be brutally honest, do you ever feel like you are failing at not comparing yourself to others?

We have all had those thoughts and feelings as we open our social feed and scroll through Instagram, “Wow, she has so many new followers since yesterday [jealous feeling rears her head], but I should happy for her [uncomfortable jealous feelings are pushed down but continue to simmer].”

We continue to peruse and observe, “I can’t believe she is off in England for work again [feelings of longing show up], I wish my work took me to cool places too [now disappointment and jealous are simmering beneath the surface].”

And then we check our latest post, “How come only five people liked my last picture? [Disappointment creeps in], was it not as interesting as the other ones I posted?”

We scroll for 30 more seconds and then close the app. Even though we know that we should not compare our lives to social media, we have trouble brushing off those uncomfortable feelings, and we are feeling slightly less happy and satisfied with ourselves post Insta-scroll.

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Jennifer Aniston's Blog Only Addresses The Tip Of The Iceberg

Do I develop a positive body image by actualizing the adage "love your body more," or should I resort to plastic surgery? 

Jennifer Aniston's thoughtfully penned essay on the objectification of women can be added to the growing list of important body conversations occurring; from London's mayor banning "body shaming ads," to Norwegian cities banning Photoshopped model ads, to Caitlyn Jenner and Demi Lovato describing how they overcame body image insecurities, to being #BodyPositive, body image is on our collective mind as a society. 

And while the focus on loosening the ironclad corset and giving breathing room for diverse bodies to be loved and appreciated is a big step in the right direction, something is still fundamentally missing in our well-intentioned conquest to develop a positive body image.

We are still missing the mark because why was more than $13.5 billion dollars(the highest grossing year to date) spent on cosmetic surgery for men and women in 2015?

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What Is The Impact Of Constant Attention To Our Appearance?

Let's explain this statement, because it is from the American Psychological Association and we know it is not a popular idea.  

Research studies have consistently revealed that spending time and energy primarily focusing on your body can lead to a decrease in mental resources. For example, in one study, college students were asked to try on and evaluate a one-piece swimsuit or sweater that they were wearing. After waiting for 10 minutes they completed a math test. Women who wore swimsuits performed significantly worse on the math test than those who were wearing sweaters. No differences were found in the men's performances on the math test. 

In another study, researchers wanted to examine how women who were self-objectifying responded to a simple colour-naming task. Women again were asked to wear a swimsuit or sweater. After, women were told to look in a mirror and think about how the clothing made them feel about their self, and their identity. Next, women completed "I am" word stem questions, and participated in a simple colour naming task, and filled out a variety of questionnaires. Results showed that women in the swimsuit condition (and not the sweater condition) performed worse on the simple colour naming task and that they felt more defined by their bodies.

So what does this all mean? 

Does this mean spending any time in front of the mirror or that wanting to feel beautiful is problematic or bad? Absolutely not. 

What these studies highlight is that spending too much attention on our bodies/appearance can limit available mental energy to devote to other important mental and physical activities. So, regardless of whether you already have a positive relationship with your body or are still struggling to get there, the take away message is:

a) Realize you are a whole person who has so much more to offer than your appearance. 

b) Chronic attention and energy invested in our physical appearance has real-life implications. 

b) Focusing on things beyond our appearance will enable us to invest mental and physical energy to cultivate other strengths, talents, and internal characteristics to grow and develop a rich, authentic identity.