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Body Image Formation Begins in Infancy

We come into the world wired for connection and completely dependent on our caregivers. From temperature regulation to mobility to a need for physical touch we are utterly helpless. Indeed, babies who do not have their basic needs met typically have developmental lags in their physiology, social and emotional capacity, stress response systems, cognitive and language development, and identity formation. In other words, virtually every aspect of them is impacted.

 

A baby has thousands of experiences during the first few months alone that teach them about themselves and the world around them. When they cry they are picked up and soothed, when they hurt they are comforted, when they are uncertain they are reassured, when they are hungry they are fed. Having these needs met not only provides the safety net in which they can explore and learn but also teaches them about their worth and importance.

 

Simultaneously, during the first two years of life the baby’s brain structures are undergoing tremendous growth which allows for an increasingly sophisticated understanding of themselves and the world around them. In fact, it is the thousands of early experiences between the baby and the primary caregiver(s) in conjunction with their growing brain that sets up a fundamental framework, all before they have language, through which the baby will view themselves and all other relationships as they get older. And so, in a healthy and optimal relationship, repeated experiences reinforce that we learn we are lovable for who we are, our voice matters, our body is our own, our body is strong and good, and our body is one aspect of our entire identity.

 

As we get older, while we may become more independent, we never stop needing others. Regardless of our age, it is the human condition to need to matter. At some point, other influences are introduced into our lives, such as peers and media. Our parents, peers, and the media are all different vehicles for us to receive messages about ourselves. Media consumption begins in infancy or toddlerhood for most kids these days. By the time a child is 8-12 years old, they consume on average 6 hours of entertainment media a day. Depending on the peers and media we are surrounded with, we either receive messages that are consistent with what we learned during our first few years of life (e.g. we are special, we matter, our bodies are good, we don’t need to change our appearance to be liked) or we start to receive varying degrees of contradicting messages (e.g. you’ll have more friends if you change your appearance, people will respect you if you are good at this sport or online game, you’ll fit in better if wear this product etc.)

 

By the time we are 10 years old we have had millions of experiences that have laid the groundwork for the architecture of our belief systems, which importantly, occurs largely outside of our conscious awareness. Yet our prefrontal cortex, the rational, logical, abstract, thinking part of our brain is still highly immature and only beginning to develop. We are unable to decipher nuanced and subtle messages and must be taught how to decode the meaning of the layers that we see and experience around us. 

 

Too often, our conversations around body image begin when our children are entering puberty and for many tweens, their body image is plummeting. And while I believe it is never too late to reach any person to nurture a positive body image, if we, as parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, teachers, and important adults of our kids’ lives, started understanding that body image formation ultimately begins when we are very little, the easier it would be to set up a whole generation for resilience in the first place. 

What this means has huge practical implications in a number of places, but I’ll highlight three.

First - As parents we must realize that we are critical in nurturing a positive body image and that this job is first and foremost up to us. If we are struggling, it is prudent that we get help to free ourselves from the shackles of destructive thought processes and belief systems that are hurting us. It’s very hard to nurture in someone else, something you don’t have. (If you’d like help in how to help your kids work through this as a parent, check out our Parent Program here.)

 

Second - Because media consumption begins at such a young age and the amount children consume is high, most kids are being exposed to a large quantity of messages about who they are and who they should be. As their brains are still immature, it is imperative that we teach our children critical thinking skills from a very young age so that they have the capability to question and understand the deeper ideas of what they are ingesting. While we have lots of control over the media they consume and messages they receive as toddlers and young children, this changes as they get older. We can’t continue to control all the messages our kids are going to receive from the media, but if we can teach them to engage with media in a critical way then we have given them a layer of armor to protect against harmful or hurtful messages. 

 

Third - We need to intentionally and continuously create experiences that teach the children in our life, regardless of their body or appearance, that they are enough as they are. Many of the deeper messages in media and advertising attempt to answer the question that we all carry from infancy onward: Am I loveable? Do I matter? Am I worthy of respect? Am I enough? We want to ensure the experiences we are giving our children, from infancy onward, continue to answer these questions in a healthy way. If we don’t answer them, the media will have an answer packaged in a sophisticated and nuanced way that says if you buy this product, if you change your body, if you have a large social media following, if you do x, y and z, then you’ll be enough, worthy of respect and love. (Head here for a FREE resources on some prompts for discussion or journalling with your children.)

 

As a society, if we continue to wait until puberty or even late childhood to start talking about body image, we will continue to fight the same battles against deeply ingrained, largely unconscious belief systems that have been developing for years. If we were to recognize that our sense of self, including body image formation, begins as a baby we would be able to nurture more resilient, embodied, and confident children as we work to “fill their bucket” and teach them, they are enough and worthy of love, irrespective of their appearance or body.

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Why You Should Aim For More Than Being Happy With Your Body

As a society we have come to recognize that for far too long women have been dissatisfied with their bodies. We have grown tired of the restrictive diet of Photoshopped, ethnically homogenous, young women in our mainstream media. And for the last five years, largely thanks to grassroots movements on social media, we have finally seen people of all shapes, sizes, ethnicities, and ages fill our feeds, and more recently, our mainstream media. Women (primarily) are breaking free from corseted beauty ideals, being released from shame filled narratives, and becoming confident in their bodies. Yet something seems to be missing. 

 

Campaigns like How We Do Denim, from Fashion to Figure are helping to create acceptance around diverse body types.

Campaigns like How We Do Denim, from Fashion to Figure are helping to create acceptance around diverse body types.

In the last number of years, one of the popular methods to ameliorate body dissatisfaction has been to create acceptance around all forms of bodies. Yet, body dissatisfaction continues to exist. Why is this? I believe it is because we continue to have a singular focus on the physical body to the exclusion of our larger selves. The conversation often seems to stop prematurely; being comfortable in our bodies is good, being released from shame is good, but is there something more we could be aiming for?

 

When I scroll social media, peruse magazines, or read popular articles on various news outlets there has been a proliferation of #bodypositive content. People understandably want to feel comfortable with themselves and happy with their appearance. Yet, news stories continue to abound indicating people, primarily women, are still not happy with their bodies. Global News found 1 in 5 Canadian women did not like their bodies. Meanwhile, the Dove Global Beauty and Confidence surveyed over 10 000 females across 13 countries and found body dissatisfaction on a steady incline, and every year The American Society of Plastic Surgeons reveals that plastic surgery rates continue to rise from the previous year (from 2017 to 2018 overall rates were up 2%). 

 

What is going on here? I worry that a collective idea has emerged that developing a positive body image can be simplified or reduced to superficial memes about feeling confident, or posting selfies of our cellulite, wrinkles or fat.

 

If I think of my body as a vessel through which I experience life, is the highest goal to be comfortable, confident or happy with the appearance of my vessel? Taken one step further, if a voyager was to spend copious amounts of time posting photos of their vessel and stating how much they loved all the angles, you’d likely wonder, “Why aren’t you adventuring anywhere? Or, why aren’t you doing something more with your vessel?” 

 

Of course, we want to invest in the vessel because a vessel that is taken care of and well maintained is paramount for a successful journey. But it seems, that our collective societal focus on being happy or confident in a wide range of possible vessels (or bodies) continues to short change us because we are still focused on our vessels instead of preparing ourselves for the incredible adventures we could go on.

The research is quite clear for people who have a positive body image - they value and appreciate their bodies, and they spend time and energy cultivating the entirety of who they are. Developing a positive body image in the beginning can unfortunately feel like work. It may be difficult because we need to uncover the deeper issues that are creating discomfort and dislike in ourselves in the first place. Taking an honest look at our beliefs and habits and examining the impact they are having on our life is not easy or fun. But this process is incredibly worthwhile as we free ourselves from unrealistic expectations and stop falling prey to unhelpful thinking traps and unhelpful behaviours. 

 

Developing a truly positive body image becomes a lifestyle. It means protectively filtering the information that you view (e.g. if you feel like garbage after viewing a certain social media, it means you unfollow that one and any other similar account); it means recognizing that you have untapped potential and you need to cultivate the different qualities of who you are by investing in them (e.g. it means going off line and finding a hobby or learning a new skill); it means finding people that value you, not for your body or appearance, but for who you are as a person and providing the same environment where others can feel like themselves; it means shifting your internal voice to noticing and appreciating how your body moves and carries you throughout the day. 4,5

 

These things take time and aren’t captured in a #bodypositive selfie. We can continue to embrace every body type as good, but we need to individually and collectively shift our focus to something deeper than just our bodies. 

 

Our bodies are good and important, and if we truly want people to become more confident and happy in their bodies, we need to pursue body positivity as the hard inner work that it is. Rates of body dissatisfaction will shift substantially once we start to spend more time, energy and resources doing things not so hyper-focused on our bodies. We would become a more resilient, embodied, holistic people and the surprising by-product we would laugh about is that we finally learned to be comfortable and appreciate our body.



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References:

1 Global News (2015). 1 in 5 Canadian women not satisfied with their appearance survey. Retrieved here: https://globalnews.ca/news/2025789/1-in-5-canadian-women-not-satisfied-with-their-appearance-survey/

2 PR Newswire (2016). New Dove Research Finds Beauty Pressures Up, and Women and Girls Calling for Change. Retrieved here: https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/new-dove-research-finds-beauty-pressures-up-and-women-and-girls-calling-for-change-583743391.html

3 American Society for Plastic Surgeons (2018). 2018 National Plastic Surgery Rates. Retrieved here: https://www.plasticsurgery.org/documents/News/Statistics/2018/plastic-surgery-statistics-report-2018.pdf

4. Tylka, T. L. (2011). Positive psychology perspectives on body image. In T. F. Cash & L. Smolak            (Eds.), Body Image:A handbook of science, practice, and prevention (2nd ed., pp. 56–65).   New York, NY, USA: Guilford Press.

5Holmqvist, K., & Frisén, A. (2012). “I bet they aren’t that perfect in reality:” Appearance ideals viewed from the perspective of adolescents with a positive body image. Body Image, 9(3), 388–395. doi:10.1016/j.bodyim.2012.03.007